dude i'm inner monologue high
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
