hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
vagina is talking i cant
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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