Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So many bounce houses so little time
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I love you. Go after that dick
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
