hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
