There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
