Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
