Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
