worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
