I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
