I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
