This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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