Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
