there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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