my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
