First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
