I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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