Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
