so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
