her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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