After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize