I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
