Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
