Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
