so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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