I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
bring money and cleavage
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
