But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
