there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
