I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
