When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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