i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize