someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
