it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
