happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm really busy with my period
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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