my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
