Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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