her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
