need another drink. this is the easiest way
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
