Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
