Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
