capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
