i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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