im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
