The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
