I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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