so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
