He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
