my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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