I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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