You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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