he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
