my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
