Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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