Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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