your parents love me but you hate me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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