Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
