would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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