they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
