so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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