I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
