It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
