his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
