New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I came so hard my ears popped.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
