no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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