On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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