He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
