i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize