remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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