just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
