is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
