her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
