The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
