I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize