Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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