so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
