Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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