So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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