tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
