we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think people are normalizing furries
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
