we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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