Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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