my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
