my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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