so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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