I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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