giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
