you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
