Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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