Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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