she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
