JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
