I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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