I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
