i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My cat gives me a boner
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
