Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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