I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
