Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
