I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
