Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize