I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
