she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
